Everyone says they have values; most of us couldn't name our own without scrambling. This prompt asks you to slow down and write the three or four values you actually use when something hard comes up. Not what you'd put on a job application — what you reach for when no one is looking.
The gap between those two lists is often where uneasy weeks are made.
Naming your real values gives you a private decision-making toolkit. The next time a choice is unclear, you can ask which of your values it serves — and which it violates. Writing them down also lets you notice when you're acting against them, which is often the first step to course-correcting before damage compounds.
Useful before a big decision, in a period of vague unease without obvious cause, at the start of a year, or after a choice you regret. Also good when you've been chasing other people's priorities and need to remember which compass is yours.
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List three to five values, in plain language.
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Pick one you live by reliably; mark it.
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Pick one you say you have but don't actually live by; mark it too.
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Recall one recent decision and which value drove it.
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Choose one upcoming decision to make through one of these values.
Other ways to ask the same thing
“Which values actually run your choices, not just your words?”
“What do you really care about when you have to choose?”
“What handful of values shows up in how you've lived this month?”
It's tempting to write a polished list of admirable words. Don't. The aim is accuracy. Some of your real values may surprise or embarrass you slightly — privacy over prestige, ease over status, loyalty over fairness in some cases. Honesty here pays off later.
Honesty, even when it costs me. Loyalty to a small handful of people, not many. Calm, in the sense of choosing situations my nervous system can live in. Curiosity, more than success. I live by honesty reliably; I claim 'curiosity over success' but often act on the second. Recent decision driven by calm: saying no to a beautiful but exhausting opportunity. Upcoming decision through honesty: telling my brother I'd rather not host the holidays this year, instead of pretending I can.